Shut up and listen!

Isn't it amazing how each and every one of us like the sound of our own voice to the extent that we barely hear what others have to say? How often is it that you talk to someone and the minute they take a breath from their story you jump in with your own little anecdote that's barely related to the topic at hand? 

On the other edge of the knife, how often don't we feel that we're not being heard? When we say one thing and the person we're talking to responds in such a manner that it leaves you wondering whether or not they heard what you said at all? 

Communication gaps are things we all experience in this day and age due to the fact that we all wish to be heard but we rarely take the time ourselves to bloody listen. How can you expect to drown out the masses if you don't take the time to listen to a lone voice, who might actually hear what you have to say?

True communication starts with the ability to hear what another person has to say. That individual may then just return the favor in kind, by actually shutting the hell up and listening to what you have o say. But should we all continue to shout, as loudly as we can then no one is hear and everyone feels unappreciated and ignored, the basis of the millions in dollars made by shrinks world wide. 

For once, today, just take 5 minutes and actually LISTEN to the person next to you instead of single mindedly focusing on what you want to say next. I f everyone everywhere can do this, maybe we won't end up feeling so screwed up. 

Kaliah’s Story

Kaliah’s Story

Patience is a virtue

Scenario 1: You're working late. You have a deadline and a boss that will figuratively kill you should you not make that deadline. You're grinding away, and because you're a decent person you duly inform your significant other that you will be home late and that they shouldn't wait up for you. In the meantime, unbeknownst to you, they have prepared a surprise romantic dinner, which will now simply be food drying out in the oven until you get home. You finally arrive home, and you find your significant other pouting on the couch. Of course, should you dare ask what's wrong, you will not get a straight answer. No no no, you have to now guess why they're upset. And an argument might ensue. 

Scenario 2: You're schedule has thrown you for a loop and you haven't been able to enjoy the social life you had a mere couple of months ago. Your friends invite you to social gatherings but you often can't make it due to a myriad of reasons. Your friends understand at first, but then slowly they start to resent the fact that you can't make it to the party.They remain your friends, and they love you, but they are slightly miffed. 

Both of the above illustrate how, we as people, take it personally and seriously when those important to us don't or can't cater to our needs as we would like it. And it happens without exception. It happens in both romantic and platonic relationships. It happens in families and between friends. It happens at work, between colleagues. It's part of the human condition. But it is something that has increased in recent years due to the fact that we live in an instant gratification, short attention span society. Patience is a virtue the world as a whole no longer possesses.  And it is something that we need to address in a pro-active manner, and we can all start with the little things, such as the following:

• Do not bite your waiter's head off if you're entree is taking ten minutes longer than expected. The food is the responsibility of the chef. If it becomes unreasonably delayed, calmly request the presence of the manger and complain to him, still NOT biting anyone's head off. 
• Do not throw call signs and shake fists in the middle of rush hour. EVERYONE is tired, they all wish to get home in one piece and if you can't take a detour, put on some nice music and relax on the drive home. If a taxi cuts you, do not hoot and shout, simply ask your passenger, if you have one, to take down the car's call sign and then calmly report the reckless driver to the authorities. 
• Do not tap your foot in an irritating manner if you're standing in a line, whether at the store, the bank or the ATM. Rather take a breath, put on some music on your phone or mp3 player and and enjoy your own personal soundtrack to life. Alternatively, invest in a Gameboy or PSP and play games while you wait. Life's too short to be annoyed. 
• Don't take it as a personal affront if a loved one is late. Simply point out to them in a nice way that it's not the best manners to display by being late, and that if everyone is on time, then there's that much more time for doing the fun things you want to do together. 

Essentially, at the end of the day, you want to enjoy your life and not feel as if your rushing through it. Remember, the final destination is death, and do you REALLY want to get there THAT quickly? Enjoy the journey. After all, what's chasing you?

Expectations and judgment

It's amazing how different people are in their expectations and regarding their hopes and dreams.  For example, for one person, seeing 2 lines on a stick signifies a lifetime achievement, a desire being finally fulfilled. For others, seeing one line is such a massive relief, it's like a cool breeze on a bloody hot summer's day. 

Essentially, we must remind ourselves on a daily basis that we are different from the people that walk past us on the street, the people at the next table in our favorite restaurant, the people sitting in the cubicle next to you at the office. and because of said differences we must learn to accept that we might not always be able to comprehend why they do what they do, or say what they say, or act the way they act. We must accept that those differences exist for a reason and that we will never understand the reason. 

Ultimately, we are each our own person, but we live in the world, not simply on it. Thus, we need to learn to control our expectations of other mere mortals around us. And especially, we must refrain from judging should our (often unspoken) expectations not be met. Perhaps then peace may actually reign. 

Trust

Trust.

Such a simple concept. Yet for some so hard to grasp. Some people have such a massive issue trusting others, but they expect to be automatically trusted in return. They don't see that their mistrust actually injures the relationship, and they do not see that their constant mistrust is encouraging a development of mistrust in THEM.

Trust is akin to respect. Once lost, extremely hard to regain. In addition, how can you expect to be trusted when you don't show trust? Second guessing, questioning, un-accepting...these are NOT attributes conducive to a healthy relationship. Especially without grounds. If you're going to doubt someone's word or intentions, at least have GROUNDS. Otherwise, you're simply being an ass.

If you can't trust others, how in the hell do you expect do be trusted?