The sick joke that is an election year

One of the inevitable issues of modern times, and especially in current times, is politics. Each day we inch closer to the national elections and already, even though we still have a ways to go, possible candidates are campaigning at a fast and furious pace. Of course, regarding these candidates, they're all within the same political party and are hoping for the top party spot, which in this country practically means ending up as Head of State. Which in my mind is a sad state of affairs, the fact that the majority party and candidates within that party are all so filled with confidence, have faith in their imminent victory. And why? Because the sheep have been voting for them indiscriminately for the past 22 years. 

I simply cannot understand why the voting public does not insist that candidates actively debate on the issues. These candidate play on the sentimentality of their supporters, for all that it's worth. How much longer would we have to hear about the struggle? About how they were pat and partial to the liberation of our country? how much longer will it be ignored that we all still very much in bondage? I am a young woman that grew up in a "free" and independent country, who will always be reminded by my ancestors about how lucky I am that I live in a country where your worth is not determined by my gender or the colour of my skin. So often I want to shout at these same ancestors and tell them that they are spewing lies. Sure, through their eyes I live a better life, a non-discriminatory life, but I still experience discrimination and bondage, the biggest of which is financial. 

Here's how I see it - I live in the capital of my country, the economic hub, and still I struggle to make ends meet. Sure, I'm not part of the indigent, I am blessed enough to not live in squalor. That does not demean the fact that it is a daily struggle for me to move beyond the lower middle class where I feel I've been stuck for the past 7 years of my working life. Now imagine how it must feel for those who are truly indigent, who live below the bread line, who doesn't struggle to move up in the world, but to simply make it through the day. the biggest irony? The poor, the struggling, the hopeless, the helpless, are the ones who still cling to the liberation politics spewed during an election year. They are the ones who cling to the fact that they were "liberated" by the majority party, whilst in reality, they are in bondage as much as they were 22 years ago. Sure, there are exceptions to the rule. The Cinderella stories that warm hearts and give hope to the still struggling, but these are few and far between. Then of course there are those who are given "golden" handshakes by the powers that be, because they were in exile during the struggle, or they were born in exile, or they are the children of struggle veterans. Ironically, so many of those who were in exile had opportunities provided to them not readily available to those who stayed in Namibia, who never left, who had to deal with their daily circumstances. The rest of us mere mortals - if we don't put our noses to the grindstone day in and day out, we can kiss our dreams goodbye. But that's not even what irks me the most. 

What irks me the most is the fact that I wonder what benefits the indigents, who cling to the majority party, who still swallow the liberation politics, have received. How many of their children, those who were "born free" are living a better life than they did? How many of their children, capable and willing, could afford tertiary education, so as to not just better themselves, but also for the benefit of their community? How many of them have risen above the lifestyle they were living during that very first election? Or are they still living in shacks and cleaning other people's homes? Do any of them ever ask crucial questions during elections or do they accept that the power simply continue to lay in the hands of the few? 

Here's the joke - EVEN IF THEY ASK THE QUESTIONS they won't be getting any real answers!!! There are no public debates between election candidates in this country. I haven't seen one yet, and for the time being, I won't be holding my breath. And it is one of my biggest wishes - a debate on a public forum with an INDEPENDENT moderator on the ISSUES. Issues such as the fact that there was a teachers strike and NO ONE walked away satisfied. Issues such as rampant domestic abuse and the fact that the system are not helping the victims satisfactorily e.g. it takes an average of 10 days for an ISSUED protection order to be served on the abuser. SO MUCH can happen in ten days. Issues such as the fact that the police often don't have a vehicle to their disposal to deal with distress calls. I was once standing outside of a locked house as my friend was being attacked. The police arrived more than an HOUR after we called them, and we called them every 5 minutes to find out what's taking so long. Why are we living in a city where the pizza delivery guy is quicker than the cops??? And why is not being dealt with at ministerial level? Some days I feel it's because government simply does not care! Issues such as the fact that small business owners get little to no support from government, and the banks don't help that much either, because small to the man on the street equals worthless to the bank's Business Loan department, and why on earth invest in what you regard as worthless. The issue of a 51% unemployment rate - what on God's green earth is Government even ATTEMPTING to do to rectify that hot mess?? From what I've seen so far in the papers and o the news - sweet blue nothing. And the candidates aren't even touching on it. 

So many problems, so many issues, so little being done. We read about the corruption and the violence and the poverty in our papers every damn day. We talk about the fact that Government needs to be transparent and be held accountable for their failures. But come election year, all of those complaints (to a LOT of people) go straight out the window. Then it's all about the struggle, liberation politics and the little that has been accomplished in the past 22 years (and it's not much). Then it's shouts of "Viva" at rallies and through the streets. Party flags are hoisted on rooftops and flyers and posters cover our city walls, cover the abject poverty of many, cover the disgust of others, cover the truth so painfully apparent the minute the last ballot is ticket and the results are in. And then again, those who have been in the plush velvet seats remain there while so many of try to rise above the soot. 

What peace?

I myself am no saint, but the lack of moral compass in the younger generation today astounds me. The fact that it seems as if deeds are committed, awful, horrendous crimes without impunity. New born babies are dumped and murdered, women are killed by jealous boyfriends/husbands, little gangs are roving the streets breaking into cars and we all stand by, shocked and disgusted, but pulling up our shoulders when someone asks for suggestions for a solution. 

So many people are occupying themselves with attempting to solve "the problems of the world". they preoccupy themselves with the wars in the Middle East, the nuclear programs of various countries and global warming. Yes, these are worthy issues, but currently I feel that the man on the street needs to rather occupy himself first with the issues on the ground, the issues that he stares at day in and day out and ask himself what can be done to improve the current state of society, of his immediate community. 

Why are there are so many young women who are in "relationships" not based on true feelings of affection and love, but based on what the man can provide on a monetary level? Why do these girls feel the need to have a man provide for them financially while not being emotionally committed to said man? Is it any surprise that these men end up hurting these very girls when they leave them, or cheat on them? These women have created the illusion that they "belong" to these men, and consequently the men feel that they have every right to do as they please with their "property". At a grass roots level, young ladies need to stop seeing men as a walking talking wallet. Secondly, there is nothing cute or endearing about a young girl on the arm of an old man. Chick, if he's old enough to be your dad, WALK AWAY. Thirdly, men must stop praying on the vulnerability and naivety of some of these girls. Dude, if she's old enough to be your daughter, WALK AWAY. 

On the same wavelength, more and more often the headlines of the daily newspapers include the discovery of the body of a newborn baby, dumped by it's mother, essentially killed by the very woman who brought it into this world in the first place. Why is this happening more frequently? Why are women getting pregnant in the first place and then leave the baby in the closest nearest dumpster? It appears so callous and cold. Essentially, one of the major questions is, despite the sexual revolution of the past two to three decades, why aren't so many women not taking care of themselves and their bodies? 

Like I stated above, I am no saint, but it does grieve me to see young girls being the sexual predators. And ladies, men does NOT say no to something offered up on a silver platter. They see it as taking a break, as being a little lazy. And they take what they want and walk away. And the girl is the one who might end up with an STD or a bun in the oven. The girl who can barely look after herself and now feels that she's up against the wall. She might feel that she can't tell her parents as it would bring shame over the family. She might even still be in school, and as such a pregnancy would jeopardize her entire future. She might not even know for sure who the father is, which in itself raises problems. And because she feels that she has nowhere to turn, she "gets rid of the problem" in an absolutely despicable manner. Does she feel shame? Does she feel guilty? Why not rather have the delivery a a hospital and then simply walk away if you so wish to be unburdened? 

The above mentioned problems aren't the ones that need to be tackled, but they have been splashed across the front pages at such a frequent pace that they particularly plague me, and represent the decay of our society, of our moral compass. Regardless of culture or religion, each one of us know the difference between right and wrong. And yet there are so many that flout the rules to a degree that simply puts more and more human lives in danger. Is this what we are becoming? Is the human race hell bent on self destruction? The grass roots need to be dealt with and the moral compass of society realigned. For how can we even THINK about dealing with the issue of world peace, if peace does not reign in the house next door?

Having class, taste and style

This past weekend I had the pleasure of attending a lovey party where the theme of the evening was Top Hats, Heels and Cigars. There was a red carpet and complimentary champagne. There were live performances and hot music pumped by the DJ. It was supposed to be an evening filled with class. Unfortunately the CLASS was few and far between. There were guys running around in jeans and t-shirts. Really?? EVERYONE watches How I met Your Mother - has Barney Stinson not taught you guys anything?? Suits are cool, suits are sexy, girls LIKE guys in a SUIT! It is unacceptable to come to a party which has a DRESS CODE and not be dressed accordingly! 

But men, especially young guys (the biggest perpetrators were a couple of VERY young gents that still have the blood of teenagers running through their veins) did not commit the worst sin of classlessness. That sin was committed by FEMALES, and I was disgusted and ashamed (The classy ladies in my company felt the same way as me). Girls were running around in hooker heels, in outfits that had their asses hanging out and their boobs popping out, all at the same time. They looked like hookers, and unfortunately it seems that it's the trend in this city - when you go out, dress like a complete and utter whore, and then get offended when somebody calls you a slut or a whore and insist that you're a lady. Bull!! If you want to be seen as and considered a lady, dress and act like one! Don't have all your lady bits out for show; leave a little something to the imagination. Or do you prefer to look like an extra in a porno movie? Not even in the fashion pages do you see models showing it all, because it is simply NOT stylish. 

Women lament the fact that they do not receive respect from men, nor admiration from women. But how can you expect that when you do not even have enough respect for yourself and your body? As a woman, you are a goddess, you are a queen. You should treat yourself as such if you wish for others to treat you and if you adorn yourself with the garments of a prostitute, why do you act surprised if a man treats you as such?

Men lament the same lack of respect, but then I ask, how can others respect you when you walk around looking like a little boy? Sure, maybe you have MUCH more going on beneath the surface and are worthy of respect and admiration, but someone who meets you for the first time wouldn't know it because you look like the equivalent of a nice present wrapped in newspaper or brown paper or a black plastic bag. 

People need to start respecting themselves to the degree that on first contact those who meet them for the first time respects them too. They need to conduct themselves as kings and queens and they will then be treated as such. Having class, taste and style does not have to cost anyone an arm or a leg. So please, get yourselves some!

Being a grown-up

At some stage one must decide whether or not you perceive yourself to be a grown up. And only once you comprehend how deep the definition of being a grown up goes can you actually honestly proclaim whether you belong to this sub sect of the human population.

In legal terms, it's fairly easy, depending on where you live. At either 18 or 21, in most places around the globe, you begin your journey as an adult. You can smoke, drive, drink and sign legal documents. And the majority of us celebrate reaching this age, and often times we do things to prove our independence and maturity, which, in hindsight, were not mature at all! We started doing things simply because we could. We ignored our parents' advice, we got ourselves into debt, we made mistakes, and we made them thick and fast. And if we were ever questioned then we would react defiantly and shout to the heavens "I am an adult, stop telling me what to do!" And so often one then ended up doing something regrettable.

I think one can consider yourself a grown up when you own up to your mistakes and take responsibility, true responsibility. One is a grown up when the blame shifting ends and one is true with oneself, about the big things and the little things. One is grown up not simply because one has to now pay bills and work a job. One becomes a grown up when you realise that your actions affect far more than just yourself and you thus act accordingly. This is what makes being a grown up really sucky sometimes, as petulance and selfishness shouldn't be part of the bigger make up of a grown up. (Which is also why I know many so called "adults" who in my mind are mere children)

There are perks though to being a grown up though, as there is to anything in life. The parties, the impromptu road trips, the sex, the freedom to walk around naked in your house, the money, the opportunities that a kid can only dream of. Only as a grown up can you appreciate the truth and honesty of life, and only as a grown up can you see the real value of friendship and love. Being a grown up can be a bitch sometimes, and often I think of myself as a girl, instead of a woman, as being a woman means that I'm a grown up, and I still like partying and acting like a 21 year old. The truth however is that I am a grown up, and most of the time it's so much better than being a naive child.

Desperation has its own song!

Okay, so, this little melody has climbed up the charts, is a complete EAR WORM and has made the singer super famous super fast. In my opinion though it is bad. How bad? I change radio stations when it comes on. How bad? There was this awesome compilation album that I wanted, but I refrained from buying it because this song was one of the tracks on a two disk album. Yes, that is how much I despise Carly Rae Jepson's "Call Me Maybe".

Don't get me wrong, it has all the elements of a one hit wonder - young pretty girl, catchy melody, very easy to remember lyrics, and therein lies the problem - the lyrics of that damn chorus! It just sounds like the epitome of desperation to me.

Here's how I see it - girl meets boy,  girl likes boy, clearly more than boy likes girl. Girl makes her intentions and feelings clear to boy within the first five minutes of knowing him, giving her number, and then says "call me maybe" It all stinks to holy hell of desperation. Most men would take it as an invitation to shag her and then go on his merry way. And then she'll be all hurt and crying, but in my opinion it would be her own damn fault, she gave it to him on a silver platter! He didn't ask for her number, he didn't indicate that he wants to call her or see her again, he didn't even fully indicate that he likes her that way!! But she went ahead and gave her number away like a piece of candy, opening herself up to a world of hurt.

Either that...or I'm missing something...which I doubt. Essentially, this is the song that pre-teens and teens are listening to and singing along to, and being the impressionable little souls that they are, in next to no time we'll have twelve year old's giving their numbers to boys cooing "call me maybe" which will lead to an entire generational problem. I shudder just imagining it.

In conclusion, for the love of Zeus, can this song get less airplay??? The message is not as cute as y'all think!

Vampires and werewolves

One of the biggest selling franchises in the past ten years is that of the Twilight Saga, both in book sales and at the box office. Twihards everywhere are in anticipation for the last installment of the movie series, which is premiering in November 2012. Besides Twilight, True Blood and the Vampire Diaries, also both based off best sellers, are very highly ranked television shows. 

What all three of the above have in common - vampires and werewolves, essentially bloodsuckers and shape shifters. I love all of the above. I don't care if other people hate on it, I'm a fan. But it's also a phenomenon. So many shows, so many films, so many books with these common denominators? I mean, back in the day, Buffy the Vampire Slayer was unique to prime time television. Today, the vamps and wolves are everywhere, and one has to wonder why. 

Is it because of the immortality angle? Are we, as a public, as a society, as the human race, so fascinated now with immortality that we can imagine ourselves being vampires? 

Is it because of the blood lust and the fact that the main protagonists in all of the above wish to maintain a tight reign and control over this lust, over their primal need to feed? Are we as a race feeling out of control and thus need to witness someone, or something, exert an almost supernatural level of control over a base instinct? 

Is it because of the shifting aspect within the wolves? Are we perhaps also in constant battles with ourselves, presenting one image to the world whilst another, darker self longs to emerge? 

Is it because of the sex appeal? True Blood has some intense sex scenes, Twilight and Diaries have managed to find some of the most beautiful people in Hollywood to cast and in each one the same thread runs - love between a vamp and a human. 

Is it because of the love triangles evident in EVERY single story? Bella, Edward, Jacob. Sookie, Bill, Eric/Alcide. Elena, Stefan, Damon. It's a common denominator, and we eat it up! 

Maybe at the end of the day it's because vampires and werewolves ACTUALLY exist. Just not in the guises presented to us by Hollywood. They exist in the form of fake friends. The exist in the form hypocritical colleagues and bosses. They exist in the form of lying, stealing, corrupt politicians. They exist in the form of needy family members. They exist in the form of two faced bitches and double crossing assholes. They are REAL, and Hollywood is cashing in, and we're not even realizing it. 

A generation who needs to READ

I love to read. I've loved reading since the before the majority of my peers could spell. Yes, I'm bragging a little, but the truth cannot be denied. I love reading everything. From the critically acclaimed to the type of literature that critics and other authors pull their noses up to. I love the Harry Potter novels (and the subsequent films, although they're never as good as the books) and I love the Twilight series (Yes, I do, and so what?) I love Stephen King and Dean Koontz and John Grisham, although I must confess that John Grisham has taken hold of a larger chunk of my heart many many years ago. I love the fact that I can curl up with a cup of hot chocolate and immerse myself i a world, not of my own making, but where my own imagination can take flight and I perceive the characters and the places described in the manner of my own choosing. I have not had the chance to read the Hunger Games, but I wish to read it before even thinking of watching the film. It's a matter of principle.

And thus comes my biggest pet peeve. The fans of different novel series' and different authors hating on each other and not being able to give credit where credit is due. People, the world is suffering from a dire illness, that of illiteracy. The PlayStations and X-Boxes have taken over and despite rampant piracy, films continue to rake in millions at the box office. Children don't read anymore and basic reading and writing aren't prerequisites in the early years of school anymore. Hell, these days there are schools using IPads as learning tools instead of actual textbooks. We have living among us right now the generation which don't know the concept of a library, that does not know the feeling of opening a crisp new book, or carefully paging through an old one, the smell of paper and ink wafting through their nostrils. These are the same children who could reprogram their parents cellphones but who can't spell to save their life, the same generation who feels that it's acceptable to "wrt lk dis". I HATE THAT SHIT!!! 

It seems as if the world is getting dumber, but in the same breath people hate on books and fans of those books because apparently it's not "good writing". WHO GIVES A CRAP? People are reading!! I don't care if you're reading Tolkien's The Hobbit or Fifty Shades of Grey, the point is I applaud whoever actually picks up an ACTUAL book and reads, immersing them in the world of their CHOOSING. I pity anyone who would rather see the film than read the book, and I especially pity anyone who, when asked what their favorite book is, gives the name of a damn MAGAZINE. Really???

This is the time that we need to realise that we can and should improve ourselves on a daily basis. We need to improve our general knowledge. Go to Quiz nights and play 30 Seconds. We need to improve our vocabulary. We must READ and fill in crossword puzzles. We must STOP looking down at the so-called nerd or geek. At the end of the day the one who continues to improve him or herself, in whatever way, will be the one signing everybody else's paychecks. So STOP hating on someone because she reads the book about the sparkly vampire, or the mommy porn, or the book about magic and dragons. Stop hating on the one who likes reading biographies and the Guinness Book of World Records and new age philosophy. Stop hating on the For Dummies books and actually read a couple, you might LEARN something. Stop hating on the one that would take out books at the local library rather than buy a Kindle or whatever other kind of e-reader. Stop hating on the writers (and readers) of fan fiction. Damnit, it's fun! And stop thinking that you are above improving yourself, or above steering others to find a little self-improvement, believe me you're NOT. And  all you have to do at the end of the day is pick up a BOOK.   

Unreasonable expectations...or are they really?

I have been watching Supernatural every day for the past few weeks, and I have developed a nice schoolgirl crush on Dean Winchester, as played by Jensen Ackles. I think that he is beyond adorable, and I can gush like a little girl about this man that doesn't exist. Which started me thinking...am I not perhaps setting myself up for disappointment in my next relationship already by starting to dream of the qualities within a fictional character?

In all seriousness, we have been brought up to have unrealistic expectations our entire lives, at least us girls. From the minute that we have any kind of understanding our mothers start reading us fairy tales. Everything from Snow White to Sleeping Beauty to The Princess and the Pea and Cinderella. In the majority of these fairy tales there is a Prince Charming who ends up "rescuing" the "damsel in distress" and then they live happily ever after. So for YEARS girls look forward to meeting their Prince Charming, being swept off their feet and living happily ever after.

And then reality hits. And we realize that there is no such thing as a Prince Charming. Neither is there an Edward Cullen (for the Twihards out there). What is out there are real people, with flaws and issues and baggage. We shouldn't be surprised to find this. We need to be real with ourselves and admit that the damn fairy tale is not going to happen, for none of us. And when you think you know of a fairy tale couple - it's a lie, a pretty facade, essentially they know how to WORK it! Also, Romeo and Juliet was not the most beautiful love story, it ended with everybody DYING. Thank you, but I still have a lot of life to live!

Now to get back to what I said about Dean. This man is NO Prince Charming. He can be selfish and self centered, as well as domineering and condescending. In the same breath he values family and friendship; he's brave and has a LOT of leadership qualities, and so far, whenever he interacts with a woman, he's a gentleman. So, no, maybe these expectations aren't unreasonable, because although he's a fictional character, he is far from perfect.

Looks can be deceiving...

This morning the finalists of our national beauty pageant were announced, all beautiful young women with sparkling eyes and wide open smiles. Three specifically jumped out for me, one looking the most natural, one looking a little more exotic and poised and one who simply has a very pretty, honest looking face and thus looked the friendliest.


But that is just it...is she actually friendly? Are the other two actually poised and natural respectively? Or will we find out later that the friendly looking one is a bit of a snob, the poised one a loudmouth and the natural one has had a boob job? I'm not claiming that any of these girls are not who and what they claim, but we have seen that the pageant world, regardless of the country it's held in is often fraught with tension, high in emotion and has many closets containing many skeletons, the most recent local scandal of course being the winner being stripped of our title due to it being discovered that she was indeed married, and it that regard even she wasn't alone. Drinking underage and doing drugs have come to light for another queen, although she was lucky enough to have been given a second chance and retain her title. 


Regardless of any of the above, many girls still enter pageants with big dreams of being the next Miss World or Miss Universe, followed by lucrative modeling and acting careers, fame, money and glory. They disregard the critics who yell that pageants are misogynistic. They have dreams and often feel that winning a pageant can set them on the right path, as has happened with many before. They've seen other women run successful businesses after getting their foot in the door thanks to winning pageants. And sometimes, their dreams do come true. On the flip side, pageants can be a door to ruin. 


So what am I saying? What I'm saying is that I've known a few queens in my life. Some have egos so big I find it miraculous that they can enter a room through a normal door. Others are so humble and enjoy the ride while still having their own plans that they made years before entering the pageant. I know of one or two who still wishes to be regarded as a queen, years after building a life away from a stage and evening gowns. I know of others who never took it seriously to begin with and are happier than most. And I know of a couple who did follow the modeling/acting/business/fame and glory route and are not doing too shabbily. What is most honest though is that the girl you see on stage, and on the catwalk, and the girl you run into the next day as she's buying catfood at the local grocery store essentially is the same girl. Your perception of her however may be a WHOLLY different story. 


At the end of the day - to all the pretty ladies, good luck, and have fun. 

Amazing talent

It's truly amazing how people buy into the hype. Here in my town are so called artists, who play music only their peers listen to and in a language that is not spoken anywhere else on earth. They have local appeal and local flavor. Unfortunately they also think that they are super stars who should be up for Grammy awards soon, whilst I strongly believe that THAT will never happen. in this small pond they have been the big fish for years, and along with it have engaged in behaviour that would put Paris, Kim K, Kanye and countless others to shame. They're not close to Hollywood and still they act Hollywood.

Thank the heavens for the fresh talent that are making their voices heard, and making them heard with a bang. Ladies and gentleman who are truly talented, but remain humble. Their lyrics are profound and the melodies sweep you away. They have true international appeal, and yet they still have local flavor, without selling out to the masses of our little pond. They respond to their inner voice and to the message that they actually want to bring, and because one can feel their souls resonate in their music a connection occurs. That connection is the TRUE appeal of these talents, of these musos and artists, of these lyricists and singers.

I am sending it out to the universe that these amazing talents receive every opportunity which will allow the rest of the world to connect with their music and with their words. I consider it an honor that we, in our own little pond, got to hear it first.

Personal space: are all the walls necessary?

I've spoken about this before, in the light of privacy and how people deem it to be so quickly invaded. This is however from a bit of another angle, the angle of personal space and how easy people feel theirs to be invaded. 


Big question - why are everyone constructing these high invisible walls around them? We have social networking up the yazoo, with everyone in everybody's business, but the minute we actually interact on a personal level, the walls come up and we revert to restrictive behaviour, and on being questioned we answer that we were raised conservatively. And thus we only hug those we consider best of friends, and we only kiss those we consider closest of family. (Unless of course the kissing will clearly lead to sex, but that's a different story altogether) We shake hands in a short, limp fashion, and also only if another offers his or her hand to shake. We only hold hands with a person who we consider a beloved, and also only after the title of "romantic relationship" has been bestowed and publicly made known. All these rules, so many rules.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, the world knows our inner thoughts, by means of Facebook, and Twitter, and Pinterest, and blogs, and Youtube. We are, as a modern day society, are a paradox. We call people "love", "sweetheart", "dear" and other terms of endearment but we give them air kisses once in each other's personal company. We wish to portray ourselves as strong and independent, but we give fishy handshakes and slink into meetings, not sitting near the head of the table. We call someone our friend, but we don't hug the crap out of them after seeing them for weeks. We call people family, but we turn the cheek for a greeting kiss after seeing them for the first time in years, some of us even being "grossed out" by the idea of Aunty this or Uncle that kissing us on the lips. We ride the train on the morning commute with the same people day in and day out, but we don't greet them, we simply listen to our Ipods and read our newspapers. We live next to neighbours for years, but don't know their names, or what they do. 

We are so wrapped up in the cocoons of our own making but then we find it strange that we end up having meaningless, and sometimes plainly stupid, and sometimes unsafe experiences like one night stands and doing drugs, because essentially we do these things in an attempt to feel more connected, to feel closer to others (why do y'all think Exstacy was such a freaking success as a drug). When all we ever had to do was stop being so obsessed with personal space and actually make connections, real ones, when opportunity presents. Next time, give a firm handshake. Hug your friend tightly. Kiss your dad on the lips (yes to all the men, kiss your dads!). Learn your neighbour's name(you never know when you might need a cup of sugar). Greet the guy next to you on the train, bus, plane. Beat down the walls that you yourself have constructed. You never know, it could be very good for you. 

Disclaimer: This is not meant for anyone to engage in behaviour that would bring you or anyone close to you in physical danger. Never disregard your inner voice or your 6th sense.

The rape of politics

Politics in its pure form, in the way intended and envisioned by philosophers such as Plato and Socrates, is a beautiful thing. It raises societies to new heights and it focuses on harmonious living. However, that statement describes a utopia that I can only dream of seeing due to the fact that the current status quo of politics is that it has been raped beyond recognition. A truly honest man struggles in the arena of modern politics. Before long, honest men are corrupted by the system, by whispers of power and pockets of money. Taxes are abused and "normal" people are crushed beneath the feet of the fat cats. And honestly, I have had it. 

Thoughts of entering the political arena have crossed my mind more than once in my young life and for the simple reason that I believe that a better life is owed to the generations that pass this earth after my bones have turned to dust beneath their feet. 

It is not fair that those who can't afford private schools and thus attend public government schools receive a sub-par education due to the fact that sufficient funds from the government coffers aren't allocated for sufficient textbooks, class rooms, teachers, educational aids like computers, photo copiers, printers, stationary, I can go on ad infinitum. 

It is not fair that no normal human being that works an 8-5 job can afford to buy a house of his own because the house prices are so ridiculously high that any mortgage they qualify for will be insufficient. Why can't the tax dollars, which is used to rename streets in honor of the STILL LIVING or in honor of VIP's of OTHER countries, be used for decent housing projects? Why can't there be rules at public auctions that limit the power of property developers, who essentially bid so high on newly declared erven that ordinary mortals can never match it? Consequently same developers then proceed to erect properties and offer it for sale at such ridiculous prices that only the rich and the wealthy can afford to buy it. How is it fair that those in most need are the ones who are ignored, shoved, pushed and generally stomped on?

It is not fair that insufficient money is provided to the State hospitals so that in turn this countries own sons and daughters who have studied medicine to not practice at these hospitals but flee to private practice, because that's where the money's at, and subsequently our people are treated by foreigners whose medical training have in the past been pulled into question. 

It is not fair that law abiding citizens live in fortified homes as if it's Fort Knox in fear from being robbed, raped or murdered. It is not fair that we live in a country with very high levels of violent crime whilst the national Police are over worked and underpaid. In addition, cops can't even do their jobs properly sometimes due to lack of funds from the government coffers which translate to lack of vehicles, radios, even simple things like stationary at stations. We expect these men and women in uniform to perform their duties well whilst their salaries won't be able to pay the rent to a one bedroom apartment. We expect them to protect and serve us, but we do not champion for them. For shame!!

It is not fair that once the criminals are caught by overworked, underpaid police, that the courts and judiciary lack the resources to have justice done swiftly and efficiently. It is also not fair that once said criminals are actually behind bars for atrocities such as murder and rape that they have the opportunity to be back on the streets in normal society in a few years. It is not fair that the goals of sentencing- retribution, deterrence, rehabilitation, restoration and incapacitation, are not attained in the manner foreseen by the science of criminology. 

But you know what is the least fair? That we, as citizens, as societies, as communities, know ALL of this, SEE all of this, and moan and complain and criticize but do not put hand in own breast. Has there ever been a 100% voter turnout at elections? NO. Do we actually demand debates on the issues during elections? NO. Do we actually attend public town and city council meetings? NO. Do we write to the leaders in the political arena regarding our grievances? NO. We write to newspapers and whisper among ourselves. When we DO complain in a proper manner, do we actually do our research properly beforehand? NO. We complain based on our feelings, which is insufficient. Apathy is the glove in which the devil puts his hand and with which he corrupts. And that is how, we, as the people, have raped politics. 

Privacy and the invasion thereof

Privacy. These days it appears that the mere word can cause thorns to erupt where you thought only pretty flowers and soft grass grew. No person wants to have their privacy violated, each and every individual treasured their privacy. However, what part of your life is truly private these days? We have social networks and blogs, where we so very often post private thoughts and feelings from the deepest recesses of our minds for the entire world to see. We give people access to the details of our lives which could lead even to us experiencing dangerous situations. 

On MySpace, Facebook and Twitter we so often post where we live and work, where we have lived and worked in the past, who our family is, how old we are, whether we're romantically involved, holy hell, whether or not we have a pet and what our favorite movies are. We send out all this information and if we're not careful (i.e. check your privacy settings every now and then) all of this information can be used against us. what follows is that we scream that our privacy has been invaded. WHAT PRIVACY?? You put it out there, you weren't diligent in keeping your emotions to yourself. Goodness, I can go on Facebook and tell from their status updates who is feeling vulnerable and depressed today! 

I am also guilty of all of the above, except that I am quite anal about my privacy settings and which friend requests I accept. On the other hand, I try to keep my emotions in check when trolling the social networks, since one never knows what can be used against you. And finally, those truly private moments, I treasure with fervor. The ten minutes that I'm all alone in my car whilst driving to the shop. The half an hour that I lie in bed alone and talk to God. The fifteen minutes I spend on the can. The talks I have with my dearest friends. That has got NOTHING to do with anyone. And since we, as a society, seem so intent on broadcasting our lives as if we were on a reality television show, I feel that we must truly appreciate the real private moments and be honest with ourselves regarding our claims to privacy in the digital age. 

Love means never having to say you're sorry

The saying goes "love means never having to say you're sorry". What in the world does this mean? Where in the world does it come from? And how many problems has it not caused? 

First things first, "Love means never having to say you're sorry" is a line from the novel and 1970 film Love Story starring Ali MacGraw and Ryan O'Neal. So, essentially it's a cheesy movie quote from a romantic comedy that's over 40 years old. 


Secondly, in my opinion, as a stand alone line, "Love means never having to say you're sorry," seems hollow and useless at best, and just plain contradictory to the truth of loving relationships, at worst. Having never seen Love Story, maybe I will never be able to put it in its intended context, but the line is used more often than not as a stand alone without any specific context. 


Thirdly, if someone were to use this line as an excuse to not apologize for their wrongdoings and to not atone for their mistakes, then the line has nothing to do with love and everything to do with self interest and pride. 


However, what if one travels beyond the literal and dig a little deeper beneath the words of this quote which, in my mind, has been abused by lovers everywhere? What if the lesson is forgiveness? What if true love means that forgiveness can reign even before the one who is being forgiven has had the opportunity to apologize for whatever transgression they have committed? 


I believe that love actually means that once you realize that you have hurt a loved one, or acted against the interests of a loved one, or was just being a jerk, that you will quickly be filled with remorse and it will be easy for you to apologize, and you will WANT to apologize. On the flip side, love means accepting an apology, and forgiving the other person, sometimes even before they've said the words "I'm sorry". 


But that's just what I think. What I KNOW is that I apologize and that I forgive. No one is perfect, and life is not always a smooth ride. Remorse and forgiveness I think is what lies at the core of the oft parodied quote from Love Story. 

Shut up and listen!

Isn't it amazing how each and every one of us like the sound of our own voice to the extent that we barely hear what others have to say? How often is it that you talk to someone and the minute they take a breath from their story you jump in with your own little anecdote that's barely related to the topic at hand? 

On the other edge of the knife, how often don't we feel that we're not being heard? When we say one thing and the person we're talking to responds in such a manner that it leaves you wondering whether or not they heard what you said at all? 

Communication gaps are things we all experience in this day and age due to the fact that we all wish to be heard but we rarely take the time ourselves to bloody listen. How can you expect to drown out the masses if you don't take the time to listen to a lone voice, who might actually hear what you have to say?

True communication starts with the ability to hear what another person has to say. That individual may then just return the favor in kind, by actually shutting the hell up and listening to what you have o say. But should we all continue to shout, as loudly as we can then no one is hear and everyone feels unappreciated and ignored, the basis of the millions in dollars made by shrinks world wide. 

For once, today, just take 5 minutes and actually LISTEN to the person next to you instead of single mindedly focusing on what you want to say next. I f everyone everywhere can do this, maybe we won't end up feeling so screwed up. 

Kaliah’s Story

Kaliah’s Story

Patience is a virtue

Scenario 1: You're working late. You have a deadline and a boss that will figuratively kill you should you not make that deadline. You're grinding away, and because you're a decent person you duly inform your significant other that you will be home late and that they shouldn't wait up for you. In the meantime, unbeknownst to you, they have prepared a surprise romantic dinner, which will now simply be food drying out in the oven until you get home. You finally arrive home, and you find your significant other pouting on the couch. Of course, should you dare ask what's wrong, you will not get a straight answer. No no no, you have to now guess why they're upset. And an argument might ensue. 

Scenario 2: You're schedule has thrown you for a loop and you haven't been able to enjoy the social life you had a mere couple of months ago. Your friends invite you to social gatherings but you often can't make it due to a myriad of reasons. Your friends understand at first, but then slowly they start to resent the fact that you can't make it to the party.They remain your friends, and they love you, but they are slightly miffed. 

Both of the above illustrate how, we as people, take it personally and seriously when those important to us don't or can't cater to our needs as we would like it. And it happens without exception. It happens in both romantic and platonic relationships. It happens in families and between friends. It happens at work, between colleagues. It's part of the human condition. But it is something that has increased in recent years due to the fact that we live in an instant gratification, short attention span society. Patience is a virtue the world as a whole no longer possesses.  And it is something that we need to address in a pro-active manner, and we can all start with the little things, such as the following:

• Do not bite your waiter's head off if you're entree is taking ten minutes longer than expected. The food is the responsibility of the chef. If it becomes unreasonably delayed, calmly request the presence of the manger and complain to him, still NOT biting anyone's head off. 
• Do not throw call signs and shake fists in the middle of rush hour. EVERYONE is tired, they all wish to get home in one piece and if you can't take a detour, put on some nice music and relax on the drive home. If a taxi cuts you, do not hoot and shout, simply ask your passenger, if you have one, to take down the car's call sign and then calmly report the reckless driver to the authorities. 
• Do not tap your foot in an irritating manner if you're standing in a line, whether at the store, the bank or the ATM. Rather take a breath, put on some music on your phone or mp3 player and and enjoy your own personal soundtrack to life. Alternatively, invest in a Gameboy or PSP and play games while you wait. Life's too short to be annoyed. 
• Don't take it as a personal affront if a loved one is late. Simply point out to them in a nice way that it's not the best manners to display by being late, and that if everyone is on time, then there's that much more time for doing the fun things you want to do together. 

Essentially, at the end of the day, you want to enjoy your life and not feel as if your rushing through it. Remember, the final destination is death, and do you REALLY want to get there THAT quickly? Enjoy the journey. After all, what's chasing you?

Expectations and judgment

It's amazing how different people are in their expectations and regarding their hopes and dreams.  For example, for one person, seeing 2 lines on a stick signifies a lifetime achievement, a desire being finally fulfilled. For others, seeing one line is such a massive relief, it's like a cool breeze on a bloody hot summer's day. 

Essentially, we must remind ourselves on a daily basis that we are different from the people that walk past us on the street, the people at the next table in our favorite restaurant, the people sitting in the cubicle next to you at the office. and because of said differences we must learn to accept that we might not always be able to comprehend why they do what they do, or say what they say, or act the way they act. We must accept that those differences exist for a reason and that we will never understand the reason. 

Ultimately, we are each our own person, but we live in the world, not simply on it. Thus, we need to learn to control our expectations of other mere mortals around us. And especially, we must refrain from judging should our (often unspoken) expectations not be met. Perhaps then peace may actually reign. 

Trust

Trust.

Such a simple concept. Yet for some so hard to grasp. Some people have such a massive issue trusting others, but they expect to be automatically trusted in return. They don't see that their mistrust actually injures the relationship, and they do not see that their constant mistrust is encouraging a development of mistrust in THEM.

Trust is akin to respect. Once lost, extremely hard to regain. In addition, how can you expect to be trusted when you don't show trust? Second guessing, questioning, un-accepting...these are NOT attributes conducive to a healthy relationship. Especially without grounds. If you're going to doubt someone's word or intentions, at least have GROUNDS. Otherwise, you're simply being an ass.

If you can't trust others, how in the hell do you expect do be trusted?

Commitment

Commitment. A word that has so many people flee for the hills. A concept that can leave people trembling in their boots. Ironically, it's the concept that grounds people, at least that's what I believe. I believe that if someone makes a commitment to simply one aspect of their life, whether it be on the relationship front, on the career front or on the personal development front, that commitment assists that individual to be grounded. 

We have all heard that to succeed in life, your dreams can be huge and marvelous and magnificent and your head up in the clouds, but that your feet should stay firmly on the ground. The message is, do not fear commitment. Even if the only thing you commit to is that you've had the same movie as your nr 1 favorite movie for the past fifteen years. No fear.